It’s been forever since I’ve been on here. I guess I’m really only on here when I’m sad or upset or depressed or whatever… Also, I’ve realized that almost everyone I follow is triggering and probably contributed to a great deal of my depression and relapse into anorexia. I’m doing fine now..thanks for asking lol, and maybe I’ll eventually get to the point where I’ll be better than fine and I’ll be able to come onto here and do what I set out to do, which is help people. I suppose its just hard to help people when you can’t figure out how to help yourself…
I lost more weight. I don’t even know how. I’ve been eating and I haven’t exercised in like weeks. I just feel so much like shit right now. All my boyfriend wanted me to do was gain weight. I’m going to lose him I just feel it in my bones. I’m not good enough. I’m just and ordinary girl with eating problems. I’m not pretty or athletic or into the same things he’s into. I’m pretty sure he’d just stay with me because he knows that if he broke up with me I’d probably fall into a deep depression and stop eating completely. I’m just so pathetic. I can’t give him anything he can’t get somewhere else and sooner or later he’s going to realize that and I don’t know what I’ll do then. For once I just want to be happy and stay happy. I thought coming home would be the end to my miserable nights where I lie in bed and let my negative thoughts and imagination consume me until I’m left crying. I can’t take this anymore.
It’s been a very very very long time since i’ve posted..or a very long time for me, but I’ve been happy and I realized that all these tumblers people that I follow are all triggering me into depression and anorexia again and I didn’t want that because I was so happy, but now I feel like it’s slowly coming back and I feel like I can’t do anything about it besides post on here, as sad and pathetic as that sounds.
So, it all started with my boyfriends ex adding him on Facebook. At first this didn’t bother me because I have utmost trust in my boyfriend and exs are exs for a reason, but then I remembered why they’re exs and its because she fucking cheated on him and got pregnant and it broke him and was by far the worst break up he’s ever had and he told me this a long time ago when we weren’t even talking talking so I didn’t really think much of it but now I’m starting to remember everything. He told me a long time ago that if he could get back with anyone it would be her. That he still loved her. That if she walked into the room and asked him to get back with her he would ever though she had a baby. HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO COMPETE WITH THAT. HE LOVED HER A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO EVEN THOUGH SHE HAD A BABY. WHAT AM I EVEN DOING RIGHT NOW AS HIS GIRL FRIEND. Now she’s commenting on his wall and being all flirty and I hate her. I fucking hate her with ever being in my body. She fucking cheated on him and broke his heart just enough to embed herself there in it … oh God he just texted me and here I am freaking out about his ex and I have no idea what to say because I don’t want to blow up, but I want to talk to him about it but not today because it’s his birthday OUT OF ALL MOTHER FUCKING DAYS. and anyways I hate her. I really do. All of his other exs are like whatever. no offense to them but they’re stupid. and she’s pretty and how can i fucking compete with that. she had a fucking baby and she’s still pretty and now I’m freaking the fuck out because thats some really shit right there that he was willing to go through with her even though she fucking cheated and its been like 2 years.
i don’t know what to do
I feel like exploded
I ate a lot today so I feel like throwing up
I getting depressed because I miss my boyfriend and I feel fat and I feel like I’m going to lose him to this cheating whore so I feel like drinking away all of my problems
well tomorrow..or today.. is fourth of july and it’ll be a good enough excuse to drink to my hearts contents
until there I suppose theres always tumblr…
So, I don’t know why I never really thought of this before, but really really really skinny girls either don’t have boobs or they’re really saggy. how is that pretty? I understand some people just are really flat, but these girls are like if you covered their hard and hips down I’d probably think it was an underweight boy…
We live in a world full of pictures of perfect 6 pack abs, and perfect boobs. Every photo we see is editted to the extreme to look ‘natural’. Image doesn’t just affect young girls. There are guys out there, including myself who want to look perfect. Perfect like the pictures in magazines. But its not REAL.
So here’s to the girls who aren’t perfect, here’s to the guys who aren’t perfect. We’re all special in our own way.